Remembering my Mother, Lori Heyman Gordon. 3/25/2019

We lost my Mom on March 21, 2019 (14 Adar II, 5779).  Her funeral service was four days later at Washington Hebrew Congregation -- the synagogue we were members of as a young family in the 1960's, and where we also had my father's funeral service in 2011.  

I was fortunate to be able to share my thoughts at the service:

Remembering my mother, Lori Gordon.  3/25/19

Each of you knew my Mom in a different way.  We knew her as our Mother.  I’d like to take a few minutes to share my experience as one of her children.

My mother knew hardship and tragedy early in life. She was an orphan at age 16, having lost her Dad to a heart attack and her mother to cancer.  This stayed with her the rest of her life, as she’d known the feeling of being alone in this world and the fear of being on the sidelines as life moved forward.  She worked to be sure her children never knew such loneliness.  She also pushed herself forward, earning admission to Cornell University and completing her degree by age 20. She set an example of perseverance in the face of adversity that we each carry today.

My Mom felt great pride in our Jewish roots.  She loved to share the history of her father emigrating to the U.S. and coming from a long line of distinguished Rabbi’s.  In hearing her father’s story, we learned pride in our Jewish heritage.

My Mom loved to do puzzles, but that understates the magnitude of the puzzles that she tackled.  She was a problem solver.

-      In the mid-1960’s, not long after President Kennedy was assassinated, funds were needed to build a suiting memorial.  As the single mother of four children, it isn’t like she had the means to make the contribution she might have liked.  Instead, she organized a concert, at Walt Whitman High School in Bethesda.  The proceeds of that concert went towards the construction of the John F Kennedy Center for the Performing Arts.  While I know many others helped build the building, I still think of it as the building that my Mom built.

-      When she finished her graduate degree and went to work as a psychiatric social worker in Falls Church, she was frustrated by the limited funds available for training and professional development.  Rather than complain, she created the Family Relation’s Institute, bringing leading thinkers in the field to the Washington area to teach and lead workshops.  As the organizer, she got to participate, built relationships with the pioneers of her field, and advance her profession.  She solved the problem of the limited budget.   And, she turned the solution into something transformational.  While the field of family therapy is well established today, I’m proud that my Mom was the first person ever hired by the Commonwealth of Virginia with the title, Family Therapist.  She was a pioneer and leader in her chosen profession and set a high bar for each of us to pursue in our professions.

-      Mostly, having known the heartache of divorce, my Mom set forth to solve the puzzle of human relationship skills.  That became her life’s work and passion.  While I can’t say that I learned those lessons well, Fran and I will celebrate 35 years of marriage later this year, and we couldn’t be more proud of the four beautiful children we’ve raised.  My Mom shared that pride in every moment that she spent as their grandmother.

My earliest memory of philanthropy was joining my Mom for walks around Merrimac Park, going door to door to ask people to contribute to either the Cancer Society or the Heart Association, the two diseases that took her parents.  Those of you who know me, know that this tradition lives on in my annual commitment to “pedaling for a purpose”, and my annual request that you contribute the Pan Mass Challenge, raising funds for Cancer research, and the Israel Ride, raising funds for peace and environmental leadership.  My comfort with that starts with my Mother’s example.  Together, we’ve raised many thousands of dollars in the last several years.  My Mom was always my most proud and generous donor.

Probably the longest lasting memory that I have of my Mom is of her sitting in the yard, in front of our house in Bethesda, happily waiting to greet me when I came home from school.  For everything else that she would achieve in life, my mother was happy and content just being a Mom and being with her children.

We are expecting our first grandchild in a few weeks.  I believe that he will grow up with the lessons my Mom wanted for him – a love of family and our Jewish heritage, a commitment to engaging with the world and working to make it a better place, and the comfort and security of loving parents.  With each of these things, the love of my Mom will live on in a new generation.